You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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