hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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