I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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