Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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