i would punch a child for taco bell
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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