pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
