I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize