I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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