You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
