You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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