If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
