Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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