I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
