P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
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seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
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Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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