is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
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The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
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Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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