Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
