Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
