there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Randomize
