There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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