did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Randomize
