sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
