these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
