Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
