my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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