Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Randomize
