I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
