I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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