She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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