Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
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