Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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