he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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