It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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