This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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