don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
