She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
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