After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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