your room smells of hookers.
And success
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
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Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
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You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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