careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
