I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Can I color on your dick again?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
