i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
