Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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