My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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