i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
