ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
