dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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