I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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