I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
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