Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize