We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
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We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
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I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
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