barbara walters just said penis...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
