Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
