We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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