Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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