i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
