So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
