i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
My vagina is officially offended.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
