you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
