how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
