Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
