He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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