i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Someone came in the potted fern
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
