Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
