She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I need moral support for this bender
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
