words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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