My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
