dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
