he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
