Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
