i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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