He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
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My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
FUCK WHALES
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