im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
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